How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
