I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I love you. Go after that dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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