And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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