My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
