He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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