It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
