he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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