if i died would you start the facebook group?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
