I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
