the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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