he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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