I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
