Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
