I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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