saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize