He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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