there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have post one night stand depression
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