So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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