I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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