Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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