her facebook's as public as her vagina
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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