Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
