I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
