Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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