i don't like sucking hair
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
