Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're like the curious george of whores
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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