i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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