capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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