i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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