I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
