Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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