McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
