This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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