She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
