if you like me you must not know who I am
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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