If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
