He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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