everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need to calm my uterus...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
