I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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