Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I puked a lego.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
