Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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