my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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