YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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