Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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