Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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