How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
