Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
