if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
