His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
