just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
