like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How naked do you want me to be?
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