I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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