Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
