In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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