Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
