at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
