Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
