i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
