At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
