I checked into jail on foursquare
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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