Someone shit on the floor
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
