I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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