i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
