When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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