But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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