erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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