Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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