I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
