it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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