apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
