And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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