I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize