i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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