Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
