I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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