FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My ass is underappreciated
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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