Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
