I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
