Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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