Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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